UConn, Ranked

Inspired by lists and rankings in general, the A Dime Back staff recently ranked UConn. This list is the combined result of us ranking. How would you rank this list?

1. Jim Calhoun

UConn legend. Great at coaching, bad at bike riding.

2. Geno Auriemma

UConn legend. Napoleon complex on point.

3. Kevin Ollie

Has a ring. Friends with Boo Willingham.

4. Rebecca Lobo

Perfect Human. Friend of the site.

5. Chris Dailey

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Geno’s puppet master.

6. TCF

Video wiz kid. Knows how to pronounce GIF.

7. Khalid El-Amin

Here’s a picture of Khalid El-Amin.

8. Joe D’Ambrosio

Voice of victory. Lost votes because of Gresh.

9. Big Red

Talents include standing, spinning arm, spelling.

10. Rodney Purvis

UConn’s ambassador. Likes to be called Purv.

11. Dog Jonathan

Who’s a good boy?

12. Bard Mom

Birthed two ADB staffers. UConn field hockey legend.

13. Bard Dad

Belongs to Bard Mom. UConn lacrosse legend.

14. Bob Diaco

Beautiful. Civil, but conflicted.

15. Dan Orlovsky

UConn Football Pilgrim.

16. Susan Herbst

Commander in Chief.

17. Russ’s Dad

Great at being disappointed. Has no son.


Player, assistant coach, owner of all-caps name.

19. Donny Marshall

From hitting the boards in the 90s to hitting Board of Trustees members in 2016, metaphorically.

20. Kerith Burke

Badass reporter. Friend of the site.

21. Bunkey

Campus’s OG elder statesman. Friends with Sam Cassell, Jr.

22. Dee Rowe

Former coach. Still likes people to call him Coach.

23. George Springer


24. Tor Watts

Walk-on trill instructor. Inspired popular club hit.

25. NoEscalators

Founded UConn’s cheesarium, the aquarium with cheese instead of water.

26. Phil Nolan

Knows Tor Watts. Took charges. Switched numbers a bunch.

27. David Mills

Pep Band Director. Taught Alex what it is to love.

28. Joe Morrone

Coached soccer at UConn before UConn students got high and played soccer video games.

29. Warde Manuel

Former AD. Not Jeff Hathaway.

30. Mike Melio

Delightful UConn booster. Trying to save Russ from damnation.

31. Harry A. Gampel

Gave UConn $1M and got his name on the side of history.

32. Kevin Duffy

Wrote so well for the Daily Campus that he now writes about Ariana Grande every day in Boston.

33. Neill Ostrout

Another DC alum. Plays Kent Brockman in live-action production of the Simpsons.

34. David Benedict

Newly-named AD. Goes to parades.

35. George Blaney

Former assistant coach. Runs farm stand in Ashford.

36. Mike Cavanaugh

Ice Diaco.

37. Tim Fontenault

Enrolled in 1993. Covered Clinton inauguration for Daily Campus.

38. Bob From Bob’s Discount Furniture

Come on down to an apartment furnished by sadness.

39.Wally Lamb

Wrote books. Ate own last name.

40. Jeff Jacobs

Scribe. Takes come medium hot. May steal this list.

41. Human Jonathan

You know it’s just a guy in a suit, right?

42. Craig Austrie

Divisive former guard. Disparaged Bard Mom.

43. Precious

Creepy dude who loves women’s hoops.

44. Balls on Head Guy

Creepy dude who loves women’s hoops and has balls attached to his head.

45. Homer Babbidge

Former Universtyi presidnet. Loved books n shit.

46. Beau Archibald


47. Robert Burton

Loud and sad, but with money. Name became a family center.

48. Andrea

Pros: will be found wearing Russ’s skin. Cons: n/a

49. Getting Hit By #IceBus

Toot toot!

50. Jeff Hathaway

Former AD who let the kingdom fall on his watch.

51. Paul Pasqualoni

Boring dragon that ruined everything

End of list.


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