Ah, National Signing Day! What a great day to forget that the UConn men’s basketball team is playing a conference game against East Carolina tonight and is free-falling through maybe its worst season since the first year of the Jim Calhoun Era!
So you all know the football commits and can read about them pretty much anywhere you want. So we’re not going to break them all down for you. But what we will do is hand out some important signing day superlatives:
(We’ve also given each player a nickname and hashtag for you to use on the Twitters when talking about them. If any player reads this and would like to suggest something else, feel free to do so)
Best Smile: John Robinson, DB, Englewood, N.J.
Seriously. He ran away with this one.
Non-original nickname: Cheese
Non-original hashtag: #JohnRob
Most Determined to get to UConn: David Ryslik, DT, Freehold, N.J.
Non-original nickname: The Chauffeur
Non-original hashtag: #RysUp
Bob Diaco Award for Incredible Hair: Michael Tarbutt, K, Buffalo, N.Y.
2014 All-WNY football first team: K @tarbutt11, @CanisiusHS. Watch PrepTalkTV’s unveiling: http://t.co/Sa4h3dxQsC pic.twitter.com/uT2cv43l6W
— BuffaloNewsPrepTalk (@bufnewspreptalk) December 5, 2014
The kicker also won a state title for Canisius high school by kicking this 60-yard field goal.
Non-creative nickname: Range
Non-creative hashtag: #TarDownForButt
EDIT: The original post suggested #ButtPunt as a hashtag, but our friends at The UConn Blog pointed out an obviously better choice. A Dime Back apologizes for the error.
Best Student: Frank Battle, WR, Miami, Fla.
Holy crap, this kid is smart. 4.2 GPA in high school, which is better than your high school GPA. Or mine. Like, by a lot.
Non-original nickname: Four Two
Non-original hashtag: #QuiteFrankly
Canada’s Finest: (Tie) Hergy Mayala, WR, Montreal, Quebec, Philippe Okounam, DE, Chateauguay, Quebec
We at A Dime Back are working on our Hergy Mayala interpretation of this video.
Non-original nickname for Mayala: Hergy. Just his name. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
Non-original hashtag for Mayala: #Hergilicious
Non-original nickname for Oukounam: La barrière. It’s French, ok?
Non-original hashtag for Oukounam: #ChateauPhilippe
Team Jiu Jitsu Champion: Zordan Holman, TE, Portland, Maine
Really. He is. And look at this badass picture of him:
Non-original nickname: Zorro, because Meghan really wants that to be his nickname.
Non-original hashtag: #Zorro
Best Football Name: Dallas Parker, OL, Ponte Vedra, Fla.
Non-original nickname: Dallas Parker. It’s the most football name ever. We’re keeping this one as is, too.
Non-original hashtag: #ParkerSmothers (when he makes a tackle)
Most Likely to be Parodied by Key and Peele Multiple Times: (tie) Aaron Garland, DB, Oak Park, Ill. and Aaron McLean, WR, Southborough, Mass.
Non-original nickname for Garland: A.A. Ron
Non-original hashtag for Garland: #AdotAdotRon
Non-original nickname for McLean: McPain
Non-original hashtag for McLean: #McPain
Most Appropriate Initials: Tyler Davis, QB, North Bellmore, N.Y.
His initials are TD AND us football gurus sometimes refer to a touchdown as a TD. Get it?
Non-original nickname: TD
Non-original hashtag: #TDfromTD
