A heckler’s guide to BYU

Photo: Brad Horrigan, Hartford Courant
Photo: Brad Horrigan, Hartford Courant

 

BYU comes into East Hartford on Friday as the heavy favorite, but that doesn’t mean the Cougars should have an easy time pulling out a road win. So be sure to welcome them to the Rent in true college football fashion: with some family fun and good-natured ribbing.

Or relentless taunts. Your call.

Here’s your heckler’s guide to the season opener:

  • Wide receiver Devon Blackmon has been suspended for the UConn game for an honor code violation. Because he wore earrings. Proudly wear your most obnoxious pair to the game. Guys, I’m talking especially to you.
  • Beards, goatees and any other fun type of hair is forbidden at BYU. Wear your best Casey Cochran mullet.
  • A female student at the BYU-Idaho campus was booted for wearing skinny jeans. Guys, you know what to do.
  • Let’s show SOME class, though. Consumption of alcohol is another honor code violation, so please abstain from any drinking pre-game or during the ga- HAHAHAHAHA JKJKJK
  • As with any self-respecting NCAA institution, there is an on-going improper benefits controversy. It involved the former director of football operations allegedly giving players free meals, discounted rents and iPads. Former player Nate Soelberg had this creepy quote about the former member of the staff:
    “I don’t know if he ever dated, never married. This is his family, BYU football is his family. I really think he looks to some of the players as sons and is a protector of them.”
  • Their head coach goes by the name Bronco. I’ve got nothing there, but I trust someone can come up with something funny.
  • UConn’s female alumnae include some of the greatest women’s basketball players in the world. BYU’s most famous female alumna is Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight series.
  • Though this is the first-ever football meeting between the two schools, UConn’s men’s and women’s basketball programs have both destroyed the Cougars in past NCAA Tournaments.

So that’s what I have. Feel free to add your own tidbits in the comments. It will take a team effort to take down BYU, and that includes the fans, so have at it. Let’s just keep it relatively clean. Don’t resort to any language you wouldn’t use in front of your mother.

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