Morale is low in these parts. Pour a glass of your favorite nog, pop in your festive Gremlins VHS and let’s restore your will to live with a mailbag.
Remember: If your question wasn’t answered or you’ve been living under a rock and are just hearing about this, you can submit your questions here or on Twitter (@ADimeBack).
Mike asks: where does present day rank on the historical Despair-o-meter for UConn Athletics?
This is a question about hope more than just “bad sports results,” because if we were talking about the latter, we’d probably pick the 2006-07 school year and call it a day (football going a fairly noncompetitive 4-8 and missing a bowl for the second straight year, possibly Jim Calhoun’s worst post-Dream Season team with a bunch of freshman who couldn’t score, and the women’s team falling behind Rutgers in the conference and getting blown out by LSU in the Elite Eight).
Another strong contender is the 1996-97 school year, when UConn was still pre-FBS upgrade in football, a bad NIT men’s hoops team featuring NCAA suspensions for Kirk King and Ricky Moore, and that time the women’s basketball team entered the NCAA Tournament undefeated and lost to a mediocre Tennessee team in the Elite Eight, because all years that end in 7 are just terribad for UConn. (Years that end in 9 and 4, on the other hand…)
I’m biased due to my age, so I’m open to arguments that various points throughout the 90s were the most dreadful, given that Jim Calhoun was still The Best Coach Not To Make A Final Four, and that Geno only won one title in the decade. But the upgrade to FBS football was at least enough to provide a glimmer of hope.
Compare it to now and I can see the case why things aren’t so bad: Geno is Geno and the women are spectacular, so there’s that. The men’s hoops program is still relevant, and with better injury luck and favorable early-2017 decisions by Jalen Adams and Hamadou Diallo, they could be back to elite-ish status as soon as next year even if this year is kind of looking like a nightmare. We seem to be in the death throes of the Bob Diaco era in football, which is going to be agonizing until the plug is pulled, but the optimist can squint and see that there’s enough talent to win more than 4 games every year. But of course, the difference between then and now is the increasingly hopeless revenue situation UConn finds itself in, wherein every ugly football and basketball game becomes a referendum on the school’s relevance in the national college sports landscape.
The only comparable time, I think, would be sometime during the 2012-13 season, after Calhoun had retired with the program living through a postseason ban, the women having not won a championship in two full seasons (#FireGeno), Paul Pasqualoni dicking around and failing to make a bowl game with a team that had a bunch of future pros, and the ACC having picked a community college over us.
But the conference situation being worse now than it was then, combined with arguably the worst combination football/men’s basketball seasons in 10 years, probably means we’re at the most despairing point in modern UConn athletics history. Sorry, everyone. Please enjoy some Vines of goofy cats and dogs.
Elan asks: eggnog: trash or treasure?
Eggnog is a treasure, assuming you know what to do with it. Plain eggnog is fine and all, but to reach treasure status, it must involve booze. Now you can just add straight booze, bourbon being the best choice, but rum is also an option. However, the Official Bard Holiday Drink is the Father Frost™.
What is a Father Frost? I’m so glad you asked. It’s a concoction invented by noted liquor connoisseur and mixmaster BardDad that is essentially a holiday take on a White Russian. (The Dude abides.) Here for your holiday boozing pleasure (and it looks like you’re all going to need it).
I give to you, the Father Frost:
You can play with the proportions to your own taste, and there exists a version of this beverage that is martini style, but I don’t think you guys are ready for that.
Eggnog to booze should be 1:1
You will need:
Eggnog, obvi.
Vanilla vodka
Kahlua
Godiva chocolate liquor.
2 parts nog, to 1 part vodka, .5 part Kahlua, .5 part chocolate liquor.
This is not a light beverage, but it is boozy af and extremely delicious and thus you’ll be drunk after two.
You are welcome.
TCF asks: top ten holiday movies.
1. Miracle on 34th Street
2. (tie) Home Alone, Home Alone 2*
3. A Christmas Story
4. Die Hard
5. A Christmas Carol (1984, starring George C. Scott)
6. The Ref
7. It’s A Wonderful Life
8. A Nightmare Before Christmas
9. Scrooged
10. Gremlins
*Yes, I know there is some really dumb stuff in Home Alone 2, but Tim Curry is absolutely flawless in it. Watch the way his lower lip quivers after Catherine O’Hara slaps him.
** No, I did not put Elf on my list, because Elf is a stupid, annoying movie.
Andrew asks: Why is KO always sitting down during games rather than, you know, coaching?
I don’t think I’m ruffling any feathers when I say Kevin Ollie has not proven to be a great coach. I also think UConn fans are allowed to be a little irrational given the way this season has gone.
