If you’re like me, your brain has finally started functioning normally. You’ve stopped making dozens upon dozens of conference realignment spreadsheets when you’re supposed to be working. You’ve stopped trying to talk yourself into why Air Force would be a good conference mate. You’ve stopped imagining Notre Dame finally giving up their bullshit independence deal and insisting that UConn join them in the ACC. If you’re like Russ, all of these things are true, plus you’re short. Sorry about that.
Well, get ready to hate everything again, because Twittersphere Nostradumbass Greg Flugaur* has just talked to the infamous Big Ten Man, and guess what: things are fucking happening. That’s right, when the Big 12 Grant of Rights runs out in 2025 or whenever, the Big 10 is going to try to poach Texas and Oklahoma. And when they do? Who even knows what is going to happen?
Well, I’ll tell you what isn’t going to happen. A UConn football program that has devolved into the worst in FBS (and with our 2018 recruiting class of 7 Russes Steinberg, things aren’t looking up) is not going to get invited to backfill in the Big 12. What’s more likely is that the AAC, already a hideous embarrassment to everyone involved, but especially to UConn fans who remember dominating the best basketball conference of all time, is going to get worse. Cincinnati and Houston seem like obvious replacements, with the Big 12 possibly adding up to two (2) directional Florida schools or BYU or someone else I hate if they want to go to 12. Meaning you’re about to see debates over whether to add Southern Mississippi or Old Dominion or Marshall or Rice to our conference. So that’s going to be awesome.
Why are we doing this? Why am I even writing this? Conference Realignment is stupid and it took everything that ever mattered to me. I hate you. I hate Boston College. I hate Donna Shalala. But mostly, I hate football. Football sucks. The entire sport is morally bankrupt. The fact that UConn trying to pretend it can play football is ruining all of the fun I’ve ever had following college sports is infuriating. The fact that there were five thousand different ways that conference realignment could have worked out for us, but none of them happened, makes me want to slash Jeff Hathaway’s tires and then bomb the state of Texas. (Dear Patriotism Police: this is a joke)
Meanwhile, news is coming out today that the AAC is hoping to imprison its members for an indefinite term via their own GOR (Editor’s Note: this should be a violation of the Geneva Conventions but our lawyers say otherwise), to protect them in case the Big 12 comes calling. I don’t work with David Benedict or Susan Herbst, but I surely hope they aren’t foolish enough to handcuff this university to a southern football conference in which we aren’t competitive to the obvious detriment of our flagship basketball program. Dear Susan and David: DO NOT SIGN THE GOR, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON’T DO THAT.
So where does that leave us? Drop football. Re-join the Big East. Surely, some idiot will say “BUT TEH BIG IST IS CATHOLOC SCOOLS.” Great. That’s very interesting. But until someone explains to me how that translates to the basketball court, I’m not going to change my mind. And the idea that UConn as an institution has more in common with glorified community college Memphis than it does with prestigious research universities like Georgetown and Villanova is madness. Cut the money-hemorrhaging football program and put the basketball program in a league where it will 1) make more money, 2) travel far less, and 3) play teams we care about, improving the athletic department’s profit margin and the basketball program’s recruiting. And with Big East Commissioner Val Ackerman openly speculating about adding one school (and hmmm I wonder what school they might be interested in?) this is a far more reality-based idea than an invite to the ACC or whatever fairy tales are being bandied about on Disturbingly Long List of Medical Side Effects The Boneyard.
*Greg is actually a perfectly nice guy, but the wordplay, you see
