Welcome to another installment of the ADB Mailbag. About 90% of the questions we received this week were about UConn’s loss to Temple, but we covered all there was to cover in yesterday’s podcast, so now we’re just going to have some fun.
Remember: If your question wasn’t answered, or you’re just hearing about this and want to get in on the fun, you can submit your questions here or on Twitter (@ADimeBack).
Mike asks: what UConn related things do you do if you win powerball?
[Ed. note: this question was so good that it gets two answers]
Answer 1:
OK I’m totally going to win and this is what I’m going to do:
First: The quick fix. The Gampel roof gets fixed by covering it entirely in dollar bills. After that, I’m paying whoever I need to pay to get actual working internet in that building. No more complaining from the horde. But this only lasts until the end of the season, because…
Second: I build a new on-campus multi-purpose arena. 12-14k seats, hockey and basketball, beer. We went over this in the podcast. We’re calling it the Russ Center.
Third: I pick up the phone and ask Swofford/Delaney/Bowlsby to name their price. A million? Two million? Whatever they want. Directly into their pockets. I’ve got Venmo.
Fourth: I buy up all the courtside seats I can and give them to students.
Fifth: Put some money away to roll out whenever the Ollie/Diaco coaching rumors heat up. Need to back up that truck into their driveway.
Sixth: I pay Joe D to follow me around and do play-by-play of my life
Answer 2:
I love playing the what-would-I-do-with-a-hojillion-dollars? Powerball game. As a UConn alum, obviously, one of my first thoughts is how I would use the money to benefit my alma mater(s). (Yeah, Northeastern School of Law, you’d be getting some dough, too, don’t worry.) First, like any good former Daily Camper, I would give the student newspaper a big chunk of change so they can stop having to grovel to the university for the funds to keep the old girl up and running. (But I’d make you have a board again. You need it. You guys really fucked up with that choice.)
Now to the important stuff. We talked about how in the podcast the school needs a new on-campus arena. The school seems to have scrapped the plans for a new hockey arena in favor of giving Freitas a face-lift. It seems extremely unlikely we’re going to get both new hockey and new Gampel. And we need new Gampel much more than we need new hockey. As we’ve improved the practice facilities, Gampel has really started to show its age. Leaving aside the fact that chunks of the ceiling fall onto people while watching games (that is real, and it is so unacceptable), UConn’s on-campus basketball arena should be a shrine fitting for the Mecca of College Basketball. I love Gampel. Love it. But its days are numbered and we can’t get caught with a crumbling building while realignment is still a possibility. So pool the resources, build a new, state-of-the-art arena that would house both basketball and hockey (and beer). First $50M is on me. See? We’re halfway there.
I’m going to start a slush fund to pay bribes to other schools/NBA programs that may or may not want to steal Ollie/Diaco, while also keeping a few extra million to throw at those guys when contract talk starts up again.
And if there’s literally anyone who I could give money to to get us into literally any P5 conference my checkbook is open. Or maybe I’ll just keep bags of cash at the ready.
Also, I will start buying football tickets in bulk and giving them away so attendance goes up at the Rent. Like, I would actually pay people to go to games if that would work.
Basically, I would make sure Warde and Susan had me on speed dial so that whenever the school needed an extra mil or two, I would drop in like some dope ass fairy godmother making it rain on UConn.
(And I will be buying a ticket for Saturday’s drawing so, fingers crossed!)
Elvis asks: what are the chances of Ray Allen ever joining the coaching staff? Having a HOF player on staff would crush recruiting.
Would it? Can you think of even a single example of a HOF player being a great coach? Recruiting, I would think, would be especially unlikely. Successful recruiters are successful because they’re willing to fly all over the country and work their tails off for $250k/year. If you’re zillionaire Ray Allen, do you take that job? Absolutely not. Take a look at the best recruiters around the country, guys like Slice Rohrssen, Butch Pierre, Jerome Tang, and Kurtis Townsend. Do you ever remember any of those guys so much as touching a basketball? Sure, there are guys like Jeff Capel and Mike Hopkins who have been successful after being reasonably notable college players, but you’re never going to get Ray Allen to do the job the way it needs to be done. If simply having Ray Allen on the staff was enough to bring in elite talent, don’t you think someone would have tried that by now?
Jon asks: Which tiny God is Russ? Alternatively, what is he the tiny God of?
Russ is the Forest Whitaker of tiny gods. He is the tiny God of your heart, mind and soul. We will never fire Russ.
