I have questions: Local buffoon wants mac and cheese, we want answers

I’m going to step in as the guy who did not go to UConn and tackle the mac and cheese video that has gone viral.

Watch for yourself if you haven’t seen it yet:

Friend of A Dime Back and UMass enthusiast Sameer Ohri points out that the gentleman in the above video, Luke Gatti, is a former student at Amherst, who was expelled after two drunken arrests in the span of one week.

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So knowing that Gatti is an established bad person, let’s get to my questions:

1. Just how stupid is he?

He already has two arrests, both while he was intoxicated, and he thought it wise to go into the Student Union with an open bottle of booze? Then, when he was denied service, to make a scene?

2. How many games of FIFA did he just finish playing?

That’s gotta be how he ended up drunk right? In his room with a friend playing video games? He’s got the sweatpants, lanyard, socks and sandals look, which SCREAMS a game break to get some drunken mac and cheese.

3. How old will he be when he starts shaving?

The kid is 19. At that age, I looked like this:

(Not attractive, but at least I looked my age) [Ed. Note: This is still how Russ looks. Except beardless and thus younger.]

4. Since when is “Is this America?” and “[I’m] 19!” a good defense for showing up drunk in a public place?

That’s one of the highlights of the video right there. Gatti decides that being 19 and in America entitles him to drink. While he may be right, that’s not what the law says. To my knowledge, at least.

5. What does Derek the RA think?

Someone please reach out to him for a quote.

6. Is there an Easy Mac shortage in Storrs?

You’d think after being denied service and yelling at the manager for a few minutes, he’d give up and make some sub-par mac and cheese instead. Nope.

7. Is the Mac and Cheese really that good?

I need help from a UConn student here. Is the mac and cheese at Union Street Market good enough to be arrested for? What’s their secret? Here in civilization (New York), we order S’mac when we’re drunk and want mac and cheese. How does Union Street Market compare? [Ed. Note: The UConn alums of ADB are extremely jealous that you have this option. Though you do not have the WEBB Site. RIP, WEBB.]

8. What was he trying to pass off as his name?

At one point, the manager asks for Gatti’s name, to which Gatti replies “My name is MCOL-” then he stops. McOliver? McOrange? McOlmygodineedmacandcheese?

UPDATE: WE HAVE AN ANSWER! My friend Katie points out that Gatti can be heard saying “My name is McLovin,” before beginning to spell McLovin incorrectly. Thank you, Katie. Thank you, Gatti, for providing us with a great response to this question had it been 2008.

9. Who is the hero that tackles Gatti?

Talk about loyalty to your boss! Listen to this guy scream as he wrestles Gatti to the ground. “I told you, you don’t touch my boss! You stay down!” What a hero. Someone give that guy free mac and cheese.

10. Who is the hero that filmed all of this?

If that was you, let us know.

11. How did it take so long for him to realize he’s “absolutely fucked?”

Come on, buddy. You’ve been down this road before.